sunshine

Today woke up to a bright day, no so cold in the morning... My thought about my lover still linger in my mind during last night dream about being with her. Yet she's so far away. I began walking to my backyard. Patches of clover leafs spring up the whole yard. So I began to search for the four leaf clover which signified lucky. But after a while I could not find none. Thinking to myself... She love me, She loves me not, She love me. As I pick off each leaf. Suddenly I feels blissful to come to realized that thousands of clover leaf with 3 leaves telling me that She loves me. Smiles knowing that all will be okay. Or maybe its was all in my head. Anyway head off to work as usual. Take my lunch break to visit her, it was brief, small talk, we kept our distance afraid that getting too close will cause either one of us to become emotional. Try to keep on straight face as if were adult and its just a small thing. But both of us know that we must be strong, else much more pain will cause for either one of us.
After finish my glass of water, I take my leave happily thinking this is probably the end of our relationship. Oh how much I would give to be able to hug and kiss her again. My heart began to ache and bleed. But knowing that she is probably feeling the same too, maybe even more. I felt her pain, but nothing I can do to heal or make it better. If I had known I would have give up my everything to make her feel better.

you see, I'm not smart or good at relationship, always causing things that make her feels uncomfortable, I don't think I am a bad person... Maybe its just that we been together so long that our flaw began to shown only to the one we love. And at some point its become unacceptable that we began to fall into the curse of pointing out mistakes of each other. Maybe we care about that person too much that we want to change them to be the "Perfect someone". Today I had time to catch up with Kathleen whom is very dear to me. My best friend. She understand the situation that I am going through. By talking with her I understand what is Hun feeling. Hun just want to move on, because at one point she just know that we were never meant for each other. Yet in the back of her mind, there is always a place for me in her heart. Hun know that I am probably a good guy, and a great lover, she dont want me to get hurt, and there is probably someone better for me out there. Its just that she don't seems to match with me to spent a life time together. And what hurts the most is that Hun make the decision yet I am still linger on.

As for me I am just going to focus on TODAY, in the present and make the best of it. I will not let the past drag me down, nor the future take hold of my path. Though in my heart I will always a special place for Hun. Perhaps this is a challenge or a test by the Goddess of love. To see if our love can withstand the turmoil of relationship. If it is, our bond will be stronger and more fulfilling. If its not then its wasn't meant to be.

In my mind, right now our stage of relationship is like 2 person mountain climbing in the winter snow up the highest mountain. Both of us are tied together by an unbreakable rope of fate. Our goal is to reach the top of the mountain. Though right now, She had given up, and its up to me to bear both of our weight and move on. I will not stop, stand still, and cry or weep because she had given up. No, I will fight this feeling of loneliness, bitterness and coldness until one day she regained her strength to find a new partner. But that's okay, because I was fortunate enough to found someone like her, though only brief moment together. Yet I feels very fulfill and happy for the entire life.

To the world Hun is just one person. But to me, Hun is the whole world.

The desert only rain one time out of many years, even life time. I was lucky enough to experience the miracle. Believe in it for I have seen it, Lightning does strike twice, so I will live on and hope for it till I grow old and die.