Dear diary

Today I woke up feeling mighty happy, take shower and head to work right away and do what must be done. Then plan for what need to be done. Then when I took a break I decided to go on Facebook to see what's new and notice Phan was online. So I talk with her a bit. Then I learned that she needed a job application. A perfect opportunity for me to see her. I was really happy to see her for a few seconds. Though she looks more beautiful than I could ever imagine in all my dream. I wish I had more time to spend with her but there's just so many things going on. Like I need to run right away to make errant. Also even if there isn't any errant, I still don't know what to say to her or how to act in front of her at that moment. It felt as if I was a kid facing the girl I really like and was completely nervous and tingling inside. Anyway, after that I went back to work. At 10:30pm when I was free, I wanted to talk with her. We talk not deep stuff, just catching up and then she told me she had to hang up because her friend was calling her on the other line. This was at 11pm. It made me really sad because I couldn't call her after 11pm. And someone else can call her late at night :( Suddenly I feels jealous. I am usually do not get jealous so easily but somehow with her I don't feel special anymore :( But I respect her honesty for telling me someone was on the other line calling her. Its something that I want our relationship to based on, Honesty. But its really hurts, still I wish that, And I should man up and bear that pain of honesty.

Right now on my mind is that how much more can I take before I break? Sometime its just really hard when you are believe in something alone. Especially in our relationship. How I deal with those loneliness and loveless is to look back in our happy time then draw strength from it to carry on. The way she walk, the way she talk, the way she smiles and the way she get mad still linger on my mind. I am truly miss her.

Sometime I just wish we can just ignore everything and run away to live together. Forget all the yesterday sadness and the worries of tomorrow. Simply go where the wind take us and be together knowing nothing can stop us. I know, I am a dreamer. Those thing don't work in reality. But that's what keep me alive and thriving for a better future.

Since I met her, I felt as if my life had filled with fresh air and sunlight. I don't know if I ever can live my life without it. Its sound as if I am really needy or want her badly. How uncool and desperate, but I've learn to admit my own feeling by following the path of honesty. I believe if you are honest, then u'r doomed to live alone. That is my fear. But love is the force that will overcome that. Hence I believe in our love. Even when my heart had bleed for so long, maybe I'm just a fool who believe in things that don't exist in this world. The unattainable is always alluring for everyone to dream and hope about. That's why so many books, music and movies are about love....I just love her.